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Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Day 22 and 1 of my goals is accomplished

Well it is now Day 22 and I did get one of my goals accomplished which was to eat more.  It is definitely a hard thing when you are dealing with more than one evil.  I wasn't able to get out of the house yesterday, I will hopefully be able to do it today.  If not I have to take the kid tomorrow to the MVD so I will definitely be stepping out of the house tomorrow.

My husband is still eating how he chooses and surprisingly enough it is not bothering me.  My husband I feel has also been in denial about his food addiction.  I say that because he always wanted to blame me about falling off which made him fall him fall off.  I now on my lifestyle have been going 22 days straight and he has already wavered from his. He keeps going to the convenience store to buy Fritos and then dumps loads of their chili and nacho cheese on it.  And again surprisingly enough it has not bothered me. He keeps saying if yall are still on come the 10th I'm going to join you.  But I keep thinking like what part of I'm changing my life do you not get.  It's frustrating that he still kinds of doubts me.   But I am stronger than I have ever been and this is definitely happening.

Yesterdays Intake
Breakfast-2 chicken breast topped with cheese and 2 overmedium eggs
Lunch-1 hamburger patty topped with a little pico de gallo
Dinner-1 hamburger patty and 1 boiled chicken breast and a little saucer of chorizo y huevos (at different times in the evening)

Monday, January 30, 2012

Day 21 and Weigh In day

Well today I will definitely be weighing in. I just hope and pray that the scale goes down not up. I think I need to set a time to also measure myself. Maybe every 2 weeks or so. I don't really have much to report today other than I love the fact that my morning doesn't seem complete without blogging. I also love that now must have a water bottle near me. I mean if I was to look back at my journals when I was getting prepared to go on this lifestyle and when I started this lifestyle I do see progress. Now to implement the exercising. I know that if I can do this 2 weeks straight it will also become a habit.

Yesterdays Intake
cheese omelete
2 Hamburger patties (Which I forced down)
And a very sad oopsie roll lol
Lots of water
Chicharrones (I need to stop eating them but they are so good-grrr)

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Day 20 and eating is now hard

I'm on Day 20 and I can't believe it has been 20 days.  It has also been 20 days where I still have not implemented some sort of exercising into my daily routine.  My daily morning routine is pretty established with the blogging so now I just need to inject some exercising and get up off my ass and do it.   Something fun such as the videos I found.  I am just so fearful of the pain.  Ok so Monday I'm going to do it.  That would be a good goal to focus on.  Even if I get through 1 minute it would be very simply to add another minute the next day.

Tomorrow is weigh in and I hope I don't see anymore added pounds.  Because last week that was completely and totally devastating.

Everyone keeps telling me that I need to eat more, which I completely agree.  The  problem is that I am dealing with two evils here.  My addiction and the desire to lose weight.  It is definitely a double edged sword.  In regard to my addiction I don't want to force myself to eat when I'm not hungry.  In regard to losing I need to eat more in order to lose.  It has gotten to a point where I'm just not hungry.  Yesterday for example I boiled 2 chicken breasts and 6 eggs.  I made deviled chicken eggs with cheese.  The problem is I couldn't eat the 2 chicken breast and only ate 4 of the eggs and gave the rest to my dd.  Next week I'm going to try and eat more meals throughout the day but like when I'm not hungry I just don't think about it.  Maybe I can set an alarm on my computer that prompts me to eat now!  Something's gotta work!!!

Yesterdays Intake
1 chicken breast with cheese
4 deviled eggs

Get completely prepared to start exercising each morning.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Day 19 - Blogger I am sam

Well it is official that I blogging for me every morning is a habit.  It is definitely a new habit that I am happy with because it is so therapeutic for me.  I woke up super late this morning which is very rare for me but I didn't go to bed last night until about 1:30 up working pretty much the whole time.  So this morning I didn't wake up until 11:30 which is very rare for me and to go and hit the road.  I have been out and about all day long which is a good thing because it has caused me to be physically moving.

But it's funny because I felt like something was missing all day and I knew that I had missed my morning routine, which is blogging every morning.

So today is Day 19 and I am stronger than I have ever been in terms of what I need to do for myself and my health.  My daughter is actually also on board.  She is so funny, she told me that she was in line in the store and there was a guy behind her who had a tray of like Mexican Sweet Breads and Pastries and she felt herself getting just angry.  lol!!!  She said she was looking at him like really?  She was thinking to herself what are you like having a party or something?  So that caused me to say to her well honey if you want to get off this road you can.  I am strong enough to do this by myself.  She says to me no I don't want to.  I said really?  She said no I don't want to.  I said oh I thought you were just doing this for me so that I would be stronger and she was like well it started out that way but now "I choose not to be fatter tomorrow as well".

I don't think I could have been more proud.  I think we are actually going to do it this time.  But as a family, which makes me super hopeful for my future.

Yesterdays Intake
1 Tilapia Filet
2 Tilapia steaks
1 Cheeseburger without the bread
Lots of water

My Goals
I need to eat more
I need to get more physical

Friday, January 27, 2012

Day 18 My Journey to the outside world yesterday

So yesterday I was able to go out into the world.  You know fear is an amazing thing.  It can prevent you to do things that are best for you.  Before I go and start on my journey to the outside world I had to stop for gas, now this use to be an experience of coffee and some sort of pie, apple or cherry or maybe even both.  Let's just say I kicked Circle K in its ass.  But the best part is I didn't even realize I had done it until I got home when my husband asked me if I cheated.  I bee-lined for the water and then I purchased a cup of coffee and my my gas.  I didn't even look at the cakes and cookies and the best part is I didn't look at them with no effort.  I put on one of my cd's and as I drove all over my city yesterday taken care of my business I partied.  I never even gave the evil Taco Smell or Jack in the Crack a second thought.  The funny thing is it wasn't an actual effort.  It wasn't like I saw Jack in the Box and said boy I sure could go for a shake right now.  The thought never came to me and for me, if you only knew, is such a huge battle, THAT I WON!!!!

So when I get home my husband asks me if I cheated (cause he knows how I used to be-I can't even tell you how good it is to say that-let me say it again, cause he knows how I used to be hee hee) I was able to tell him no, very strongly and then I proceed to tell him I am choosing to change my life and I begin to tell him my experience walking into Circle K and hit me like a brick-I kicked Circle K in its ass honey badger style.   As I begin to realize the win I began to get emotional as it is super overwhelming for me and I just simply start crying because as I'm realizing that I beat Circle K I'm also realizing that I didn't give any of the fast food places that I am sure I passed a second thought.

So before I left I promised Amber that I would get weighed in.  My husband and I both go to get weighed in only for me to find out that I have gained 10 pounds.  This put a very discouraging and disappointing cap to my great day.  My minds starts to race as I try to search for all the things I ate and why this is happening to me, I'm thinking the sodium maybe I ate to much sodium, I think the ladies were right I must not be eating enough and then last night my brain starts to think what is different this week from last week?  I have received 2 meds for my legs.  I look up the meds on google to find out their side effects and OMG!

Gabapentin Capsules

All medicines may cause side effects, but many people have no, or minor, side effects. Check with your doctor if any of these most COMMON side effects persist or become bothersome when using Gabapentin Capsules:
Clumsiness; constipation; diarrhea; dizziness; drowsiness; dry mouth; nausea; stomach upset; tiredness; vomiting; weight gain.
All medicines may cause side effects, but many people have no, or minor, side effects. Check with your doctor if any of these most COMMON side effects persist or become bothersome when using Amitriptyline/Chlordiazepoxide:
Abnormal skin sensations; bloating; blurred vision; constipation; diarrhea; disturbed concentration; dizziness; drowsiness; dry mouth; headache; loss of appetite; nausea; restlessness; tiredness; upset stomach; vomiting; weakness; weight gain
Heartbreak does not even describe what I felt last night.  I completely broke down, my husband even had to come and truly console me.  I lost it!!  Here I am trying so hard, harder than I have ever tried in my life and weight is sneakin in through the back door.  I was devastated last night.  Devastated!  So I think I went through 2 stages of grief.  I went from devastation to pissed off.  I can't stop taking the meds because they are actually working but I can kick my system in the ass and push harder than I have pushed the past 2 weeks.  More strict and eat more.  Watch my sodium and get my fat ass up and start moving.


Yesterday Intake
Chorizo topped Tilapia
2 baked chicken legs 2 boneless pieces of chicken thigh (I forced the chicken the second chicken let)
120 ounces of water

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Day 17 the battle continues

It is now Day 17 whoo hoo!!  I can't believe I've made it this far.  There is a woman in one of the forums I belong to in LCF her name is Amber and she has been a total God send to me.  She has been posting on LCF her everyday struggles and accomplishments on quitting smoking.  She is at 7 days I believe as of yesterday.  I am feeling a little bit of that type of accomplishment myself today.  See food is how I have lived for quite some time.  I lived to eat instead of eating to live.  Now don't get me wrong I do have to say it totally helps that I am some what of a shut in.  I hardly ever have to deal with the outside world and its temptation.  Which is a part of what makes me think, why it is so difficult for me to get out of the house and take care of some business that I need to take care of.  But today is the day!  I feel super strong today!  I feel as if I can get completely dress and totally have no worries once I hit the outside world.  It is amazing how my life up until now has been so dictated by food.  I still have to fight, everyday is a struggle, especially when you are addicting to something.  But it is Day 17 and as of today I'm winning the battle.

One of the pluses of this diet is that you kind of lose your appetite.  Yesterday I had a couple of pieces of meat and didn't eat again until about 7:00pm last night.  It kind of helped that I was slammed yesterday with work (whoo hoo that is a good thing when a salesperson says they are slammed that means money money money lol).  If I can get slammed like that everyday I probably would hardly ever eat which I'm not sure is a good thing either.  I do however hate forcing myself to eat because of my addiction, I am trying to train myself mentally that I am only supposed to eat when I'm hungry.  Which is not all day anymore on this lifestyle.  But again it is Day 17 and as of today I feel that I'm winning the battle.

Yesterday's Intake
Couple of small pieces of leftover pork roast
Ground pork patties and frying cheese

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Day 16 and if I can only get past the laziness

Well it is day 16 and I was supposed to weigh in 3 days ago.  In order to do that I have to step a foot outside well I haven't done that since Saturday night and haven't been outside in daylight since Friday.  I have so many things I should and need to do in the outside world but I can't seem to motivate myself to get up and get going.  It leads me to ask the following questions:

Am I becoming a total recluse?
Am I fearful of the pain that I will be in when I return?
Am I scared that I might give in to the temptations of the outside world?
Is it about the effort that it will take to put on clothes and get dressed?

Honestly? I think it is all of the above.  I am on a new project and I have become completely absorbed with it and working (being the end of the month) but yet this is also, truthfully another excuse.

I need to get it going today I have so much important business to take care of.  The one positive about staying in is I completely and totally control my eating. I have no problems in this arena.  Now if only I can convince myself to do what I need to do, to get up and get out of the house.

Yesterday's Intake
Very Thin Sliced beef & Lamb
Sliced lamb with squash
Pork Roast

All meat very little vegetables yesterday

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Day 15 so far so good!!

This 2 weeks has gone by so fast.  I have to say I'm pretty proud of myself.  Last night I was pretty hungry so my husband makes this shrimp stir fry with broccoli and squash.  He places the stir fry over wheat pasta and goes to town.  I take the stir fry and place it on a saucer but didn't even look twice at the pasta.  I just kept telling myself I don't choose to be fatter tomorrow.  So because there wasn't much of the stir fry to fill my daughter and I up I took a package of very thin slice beef out and cooked it.  It totally hit the spot.  Just the fact that I made it through I'm super happy!!!

I didn't get a chance to weigh in yesterday so I definitely plan on doing it today. I just want to see it go down.  That's all I care about.

Yesterday's Intake
egg scrambled with leftover ground chicken and cabbage
shrimp stir fry and sliced beef.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Day 14 I am a water drinker

I have come to the realization that I am officially a water drinker.  If I look back on just a week ago and how difficult it was for me I am sure I would be astounded.  Reason being today there is no difficulty.  I have to have the water next to me.   It's amazing how it has changed but it feels so good!!!

I feel much better today as I guess my body is getting adjusted to the meds.  I don't feel so weighted down like I have the past 2 days.  

Yesterdays Intake
Ground taco meat
Fresh Chicharrones
Groud chicken with cabbage

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Day 13 I gave in

So yesterday was the first time I gave in.  I didn't get out of the house because the new meds that I am on has me feeling so weighted down.  I'm usually up pretty early but even today I am just now waking up.  I definitely need some B12 in my life.  Yesterday for the first time since I changed my life I ate ice cream.  It was low carb ice cream but it was still ice cream.  I truly didn't want to do anything like this for awhile.  But I was really wanting something sweet it was unbearable how much I wanted it.  So the hubby went and purchased me Low carb sugar free vanilla ice cream and diet root beer.  Yes I had a root beer float.  All in all it was only about 7 grams of carbs but boy was it the best 7 grams of carbs I have had.  lol!!!  I'm totally good now I think I can do without sweets for awhile.

Last night was my sleep study and I guess it went well.  I will all the results at my doctors appointment.

Yesterday Intake
Cajun fish topped with vegetables and shrimp
Dinner Hamburger Patties

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Day 12 - I can't believe it

Well it is Day 12 and I can't believe I made it this far.  I got to see the doctor yesterday and he has me on a whole battery of meds to try and fix these issues with my leg.  He did say that he sees the water has reduced but the pain is still there.  So he is now trying to determine if it is the nerves in my legs, the tendons in my legs, or the bones.  One thing is for sure all 3 of the meds I take knock me out so there is no excuse about not getting any sleep.  I told the doctor that I am really trying to do better, I am trying to eat better, I am drinking more water, and he said to me Jean I don't have a problem with the way you have eaten.  You obviously eat pretty healthy because all of your tests tell me you do.  No sugar, No cholesterol, no nothing.  I am pretty much in great health with the exception of my obesity and my legs and I am determined to find out what is going on with those 2 issues.  I'm more focused than I have ever been.

So last night the hubby went to his sleep study and before he left he realized he hadn't eaten anything.  So he was like I'm going to go and get me a chicken burrito (may I just say Mexican food is one of my weaknesses.  mmm who am I kidding all food is my weakness lol)  So I tell him can you please bring me back a couple of chile rellenos which are stuffed chilis with cheese inside that are then dipped in egg and then fried.  He comes back with this container that is not chili rellenos but it is a salad with chicken and may I say it was completely amazing. I didn't even pay him and his burrito any attention.  I also had fresh chicharrones yesterday which were probably the best I have had in a very long time.  My concern is the pico de gallo.  I think I ate to much of it and it definitely had carbs.  Other than that I think I'm pretty good.  No sugar, no sodas - not even diet, has passed these lips.  Everyone keeps telling me how proud they are of me for trying to get healthy but it has truly only been 12 days and I have my struggles trust me.  But I have to say it is different this time.  I'm usually so tempted to eat out and cheat.  I would sneak out by myself and go buy me a candy bar or something.  I just can't do it this time because the only person I am hurting is myself.  And more than anything I CHOOSE NOT TO BE FATTER TOMORROW AND I CHOOSE TO BE HEALTHIER TODAY AND GOING FORWARD!!!

Yesterday's Intake
Breakfast-Deviled Eggs and Beef Weiners
Lunch-Fresh Chicharrones and pico de gallo
Dinner-Mexican Chicken salad
Lots of water

Friday, January 20, 2012

Day 11 and had some challenges

Last night was pretty hard for me.  I had gotten to a point where nothing sounded good and I was starving.  I wanted to go to the store but just didn't feel up to it and I knew I shouldn't spend any money.  My daughter ended up cooking some ground chicken which she put a little curry on it and I had a small bowl of it.  But within an hour I was hungry again and wanting something bad.  But I made it through and went in the frig and got out beef wieners which were amazing.  That took care of my hunger and I was able to go to sleep.

The whole "I choose to not wake up tomorrow fatter" is really working for me.  I know I keep repeating myself but I truly just don't want to live like this anymore.  I go to see the doctor today and hope that he will be able to help me and give me some answers about my legs.  I am so scared of using them because of the pain.  Again last night my feet and legs were just excruciating.  I was really hoping with all of the water drainage that it would improve but its not.  I know I probably need to be a little bit more patient, I'm just really tired of the pain.

Other than my legs I feel pretty good I'm getting my water in for sure.  I just need to get some sweating in.

Breakfast-2 boiled eggs
Lunch-Salad with Turkey Bacon
Dinner-Ground Turkey & Wieners

My goal
Water, Water, Water
Some exercise

Day 10 hmmm I just might be able to do it this time!

Well this morning is Day 10.  Yesterday I was super busy running errands and I am still, unfortunately, not in a position where I can get vitamins.  I just have to keep it posted on my goals.  Being super busy yesterday did force me to be moving and out of the house and I had to put on "real clothes".  lol!! My husband asked me yesterday if he needed to come with me (calling himself being supportive which I totally appreciate), the reason he offered is because I have told him many times before how when I go out into the "outside" world, how hard it is out there for me.  Tacos here, hamburgers here, burritos here, I used to beg him to go with me just to insure that I won't cheat.  So this time he asks me and I say
"nope I don't need you to come with me because I choose not to be fatter tomorrow."
He still came but I totally meant what I said.  I don't think there has ever been a time when I have been more focused.  It is still hard for me to go out into the world but it definitely it is not hard.  Because quite simply I don't want to be fatter tomorrow, it's a decision that I have made.  I don't want this fat any longer, I don't want this depression any longer, I don't want this incapability to move any longer, I don't want this woman who is not feeling good about herself any longer.  I am fighting to bring back the person I know I am and one thing about me that everyone says is that when I make up my mind to do something that's it.  Well I think this time I have definitely made up my mind to get rid of this weight.  I think my husband sees that I am serious about it this time because now he is saying that he will jump on the band wagon with me next month.  Which is  a good thing.

It is a fact that the way I am eating right now will have to be the way I eat for the rest of my life.  Carbohydrates and sugar are just simply not my friend.

Breakfast-Deviled Eggs
Lunch-Salad with Bacon
Dinner-Salad with Shrimp
and tons of water

My goals
1-Get lots of exercise in
2-Water Water Water

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Day 9 ~ Here I come size 11/12

Well today is Day 9 with my lifestyle change.  I feel pretty good!! Last night I was laying down and could feel my body changing.  I will be able to acquire some vitamins today which I'm super excited about.  I love the energy that eating low carb gives you.  Now if only I can get the energy to work out.  lol!!! I downloaded the videos so now there is no excuse but actually taking the time and doing it.  Stepping away from my desk and getting it done.  That is going to be the hardest part ever.

My daughter made sausage, egg, and cheese muffins last night.  They weren't to bad, but she really liked them which is awesome!  Now she has something quick she can grab for breakfast since she refuses to eat lunch at school.

I actually have to leave the house today I have 50 million errands to run ;o)  so I will definitely get some exercise in that way.

My Goals
2-Some form of exercising

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Day 8 and I should celebrate Hee Hee that rhymed

So I am a member of Low Carb Friends as I have stated so many times.  The women on here are completely amazing in terms of support.  I couldn't ask for a better of bunch of new friends.  Well one of the groups on LCF is a weigh in group.  We weigh in every Monday.

After work and eating dinner I was so tired and it used to be that I would simply make excuses about not going but I knew I had these ladies waiting for my weigh in because they wait for everyone's weigh in.  So I got off my butt and went to the hospital to weigh in.  (Which if you only knew was super huge) I hardly ever leave my house after working all day.

I go to the hospital I step on the scale and it says 418.9 I looked at Erica and I looked back down as if I must be reading this wrong.  I look down and sure enough it said 418.9.  I lost 25 pounds in a week.  I was in complete disbelief.  My daughter gets on the scale and it says 292 she has lost 7 pounds in a week.

The whole way home I kept asking my daughter did you see it?  Did you see the scale?  OMG Did you see the scale?  She kept saying yes I did Mommy that is amazing!  I said it had to be wrong right?  It just had to be wrong there is no way I lost that much that quickly she said we should have taken a picture of it.  I told her with all of the lack of support I have received I just don't want to tell anyone, with the exception of my husband and the LCF ladies.  She said why I said because I just don't I would rather let them see it.

I get home and I didn't blurt out the weight to my husband.  He asked me I tell him and he says nothing.  No congratulations no nothing.  I can't even tell you how hurtful this was.  Now he says that he couldn't remember what my starting weight was so he didn't realize that I had dropped and he apologized profusely and said how proud of me he was.  It still hurt.  It was still very painful.  But again I will be using this as well to fuel me to keep going because I'm going to get healthy.  I'm doing it!!

Breakfast-Frying cheese, Tuna, skins
Lunch-Shrimp Stir Fry with Cucumber Salad
Dinner-Pork Chops with Cucumber Salad

My goals for today
1-Water Water Water
2-Attempt to get myself on a better eating schedule
3-I didn't exercise yesterday try to get my exercising in today.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Day 7 and time to weigh

Well I am now on Day 7 and I have to admit I feel pretty good.  Last night again I started craving for something sweet.  Wishing I had some form of low carb candy or ice cream but then I thought you didn't buy those things for a reason.  Tough it out.  So instead of purchasing the good-bad stuff I'm going to buy myself some l-glutamine.  I have been saying all along how this time is different well I totally mean that in every way.  I can't count how many times I've done this lifestyle and didn't acquire all of my necessary tools.  Necessary tools such as Keto sticks, Vitamins, scale, and lots of water.  Unfortunately with my financial situation I have to do one at a time.  So this week it will be some of my vitamins and the keto sticks.

Yesterday I did pretty good with the eating.  I didn't have lunch which I'm trying to not do.  I want to shoot for the 3 meals a day.  I just wasn't hungry.

B:Breakfast burrito with low carb tortilla
D:Collard Greens & baked chicken legs
120 ounces of water

Goals for today
1-Water Water Water
2-Find a way to weigh myself
3-Do some form of working out.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Day 6 and I'm loving my way of life

I love each and every day more and more that I chose this lifestyle the more people doubt me and the lifestyle the more certain I am that it is for me.  In my post yesterday I received a comment from a woman by the name of Johannah and she, as you can see, shared her story.  I am so overwhelmed by the response I am getting as a whole from my blog and the posting on LCF, I truly cannot imagine being successful without any of my new found support from both entities.

Johannah in her comment stated something she does that was truly powerful to me.  She asked herself
 "I just ask myself if I want to wake up fatter tomorrow or not"
I love it!!!  Here I have been using anyone and everyone that doubts me as a way to be focused but in addition to that it should be about me and what I choose and want for myself. And very simply do I or do I not want to wake up fatter tomorrow?  Well I'm here to tell you I DON'T!!!  I'm so done with being fatter the next day.  I've said it once I've said it twice I'M DONE!!!

So yesterday I got out of the house went to LA Fitness which is way to much for me right now so I'm back to doing this myself at home so now the goal is to find some videos that I can download that I will like (has to have good music ;o)  Yesterday from a food perspective went well.  I didn't get in as much water as I would have liked as I was out and about but my food was as follows:

B: Egg, cheese, bacon in a low carb tortilla
Late Lunch:  Salad with chicken breast on top
Late Dinner:  Chinese Chicken lettuce wraps (which I made myself and were really good)

My goal for today:

1-Find a video that I like to begin workout tomorrow
2-Drink my water
3-Get prepared for the week from a cooking perspective (We are going to make Scottish Eggs and breakfast muffins so all we have to do is freeze them and take them out each day and stick in the microwave.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Day 5 and so far so good

Yesterday was the first time I had a desire for a moment of weakness.  But I beat it.  I wanted to eat an orange so badly.  But I just kept my eye on the ball and went and grabbed me cheese stick.  Everyone and their mother is doubting me and this diet.  My husband is being supportive but he just doesn't want to do Atkins any longer.  I truly feel once he sees that I am serious that he will join me.

Today I am actually going to get out of the house, I have to take the kid to the eye doctor and I decided to get a tour of LA Fitness.  I can't afford it right now but who knows maybe they will have some kind of special going on right now.  Something has to change I know I need to get moving even if it is only a little bit at a time.

I keep daydreaming and thinking of the person I was and I truly want to see that person back.  I just have to stay on target.

Friday, January 13, 2012

4th Day and the energy is beginning

One thing that is a fact is I have done this lifestyle so many times over the years that I don't have enough fingers and toes to count.  But I have to say that one thing that I love about this diet that is consistent is the surge of energy you begin to have.  Typically initially I am pretty tired with a headache but that is not happening this time. I don't know if it's because I am still eating to many carbs or not but one thing is certain is this time is different.

I am beginning to feel better in terms of my energy level which is an amazing thing. I have always loved this way of eating and that has definitely not changed.

4 days down and the rest of my life to go.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

3rd day and still going strong

So far so good!!!  I am still going strong and I'm not even tempted.

Yesterday I had 2 slices of ham with melted swiss cheese in the middle and eggs and cheese.  For dinner I had 2 small low carb turkey and bacon wraps. I had a few pork rinds with pico de gallo as a snack.

The water is a super challenge for me but I am really going to try hard to make it happen.

I have a 20 oz bottle that I just keep filling up.  I need to fill it up at least 5 times.  I'm on number 2 right now.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Went to the doctor and hit with another reality

So the below is my journal entry transcribed from paper so please excuse the rawness. 
So here we go another day with an another humiliating event.  I just want to crawl into a whole and hide from the world.  I can't talk to my husband about it right now because he is angry with me from the heated discussion we had on the way to the appointment and I need him so badly because I'm completely mortified.
 So I came to the doctor today because I needed to take a breathing test and they needed to schedule my husband and I for our new sleep apnea test. 
I go to the back sit on this little  seat that inside of this circular booth.  First off let me just say my first question to the tech was "will this hold me?" -  I can't even tell you how many time I have had to ask this question and I can't even tell you how tired I am of asking myself and especially others this question.  So I sit in the booth and so far so good until the technician tells me that the door has to close.  She continues to try and close the booth - not going to happen.  She's in more denial than I am at this point (I'm thinking it is because she probably has never attempted to test someone that didn't fit) Nevertheless she says can you try and sit straight up and push your feet back.  She then attempts to close the door.  She got past one leg (but can I say as she is closing the door it is scraping my leg, which means that to open it back it was going to be tricky).  I'm thinking OMG I'm going to get stuck in this thing I know I am.  She gets past the left leg but can't get past the right.  Reality at this point has sunk in and she opened the booth up and said I will be right back.  When she returned she says to me we are going to schedule you at the hospital because the booth is a little bigger there.
Do I need to say how much humiliation, despair, frustration, and sadness I felt at this moment?  But I maintained myself and I walk out with no tears.  I sit down to wait to be called by my doctor and all I wanted to do was cry on my husbands shoulder but that wasn't going to happen because of the previous heated discussion.  So I begin to do what I am finding truly therapeutic for me right now and that is write/blog.
As I begin to write he asks me a question nicely, which leads me to tell him what just happened here we go..... The tears just start flowing in the waiting room at the doctors office.  Being the good husband that he is, he then gets up and begins to console me. 
Before I began this journey I would be so depressed that I would try and cheer myself up with cake, cookies, candy or anything that was remotely tasty and incredibly bad for me.  Trust me I'm still thinking how could I let myself get this bad?
The only difference is now? This is just pissing me off more and more.  I'm over feeling sorry for myself.  Now I am super angry.  I'm so angry that I want a badger to look at me and think "wow I want to be a bad ass like her"  I'M DONE WITH THE BS!!!  

On to the doctor ~ Already tired

So I have a pulmonary doctors appointment today (One of those glorious side effects of being obese)  I have sleep apnea.

I work from home so typically I don't have to put on what I call real clothes.  I simply just throw on what i call knock-abouts because no one will see me or for that matter smell me (I know super sad ;o)  Well today being that I have to go out into the real world means that I have to put on real world clothes.  Can I just say I am already exhausted?  This is completely ridiculous!!!  Who gets tired from getting dressed!!!  The more and more I come to these realizations the more madder I get at myself and the fat that now riddles my body.

I think as a result of it all I have begin to hate myself because I have allowed myself to get to this point.  I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE!!!  NO MORE!!!  If getting dressed for the real world makes me tired than dammit I need to start getting dressed for the real world everyday.  Who knows I just might begin to like myself again!!!

Day 2

Well Day 1 went pretty doggone on well.  I went to 4 different grocery stores yesterday, I was in so much pain when I got home last night I was in tears.  I was crying asking my husband how am I supposed to exercise knowing this is what I have to look forward to?  The pain was unbelievably excruciating in my feet and legs.  My doctor says that I need to move them.  But I truly believe there is something wrong here.  I just feel that I should not  be in this much pain.  Well, it doesn't matter because I have to move, I don't care if it is just to the corner and back I have to move.  Maybe I can go back to looking up videos of low impact aerobics and working my way up.  At least it is something I would enjoy.  Still working on the exercise plan.

The food plan however is all worked out.  I went ahead and bought vegetables yesterday.  Tons of vegetables.

Collard Greens
Pasilla chiles
2 kinds of lettuce (Butter and red leaf)
Beautiful Bell Peppers (red, orange, and yellow)
Regular Cabbage
Baby Bok Choy
and last but not least Asparagus

The list of meat I purchased is way to long
Lots and lots of chicken and fish but also a little pork.

In addition I purchased coconut oil which I am super excited to try.

My day yesterday went pretty well, I did not however get in as much water as I plan to every day.  Didn't have any to do so but I purchased ton of water last night so going forward that should not be an issue.  I have decided that I will not be allowed to drink anything like crystal light or sugar free soda until I get in at least 100 ozs of water in each day.  That will be my incentive.

Day 2 here I am let's hope it goes as well as Day 1.

Dinner 1-10-11

Low carb turkey and bacon wrap.  Sorry was to tired to take pics.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Lunch -1-10-11

Here is already marinated Chicken fajita meat.  I went to a carniceria and they had this bin with Chicken marinated in what looked like jalapenos and lemon juice.  The white is fried queso fresco and then I topped it with Purchased Pico de gallo.

Quick and easy

I have got to get a better camera

Finally here!!

So my day is finally here!!!  I can't even tell ya how excited I am about my new life.  The hardest part of this new journey I think will be the moving portion.  But I know I need to move my ass.  I decided to work really hard at getting into ketosis plus because I have flip flopped and gone back and forth so many times I really need to shock my system to let it know I mean business.

So for the first week I will probably end up doing no more than 10-15 carbs.  It is going to be a hard haul because I love doing the vegetables but for right now Me and Mr. Protein gotta thing going on.

So here is to the first day of my life.  That's it!!   CARBS ARE NOT MY FRIEND!!!  I have to look at it as me being allergic.  Like some people are allergic to like dairy products or nuts.

I am officially allergic to carbohydrates.  It had done nothing but bring me misery, depression, lost of activity, lost of life.   I don't do things anymore because it is to difficult and I am afraid of the pain.  What kind of life is that?

It is time for me to stop being negative and feeling sorry for myself.  No more!!!  I am so excited about seeing the old me.  I know she is in there somewhere!!!

Monday, January 9, 2012

My Low Carb Friends

I am loving my membership at Low Carb Friends (LCF) so far I have to say this has been the best membership in terms of support that I have found.  I recently posted on this blog as well as on my journal on LCF how there are things that I miss that I WILL do again.

There is a friend on LCF who is such an amazing inspiration to me.  She has lost a ton of weight and I feel she definitely understands the place I am in now mentally and emotionally.   Here was her response to my posting which I now have to totally add to my list as well, with only 1 modification.

  1. Not being able to fit in a booth at a restaurant
  2. People asking when the baby is due!
  3. Asking for a seat extender on an airplane  
  4. Fitting in an airplane bathroom
  5. Being able to walk all over NYC and shop without worrying when my legs and feet would hurt
  6. Running
  7. Jumping
  8. Wondering if a plastic lawn chair would hold my fat butt
  9. Being too fat to ride the dolphin at the swim with the dolphins in Mexico that I paid $150 to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  10. Not being able to haul myself up on a catamaran in the Caribbean! And needing 4 little guys to heave to pull me in!
  11. Finding out I was not a jellyfish but I have bones, actual bones!!!- I could never feel them before! That is the most exciting thing, laying in bed and saying what is this bone or this muscle? LOL
  12. Not being able to sleep on an air mattress
  13. Shopping only at Lane Giant and Avenue, I will never set foot in those 2 stores again!!!!!!!
  14. Watching football and they talked about a 300 pound big bruiser and I thought I wish I was as big as him
My additions are as follows: 
  1. Having to purchase two seats on an airplane or having the fear that they will make me get off because I am too heavy. 
  2. Never using an airplane or bus restroom.  
  3. Bringing my own chair to my friends for the fear that I make break theirs (It has happened)
All of these things are going to become a part of my past beginning tomorrow.  Because I'm going to do everything I can to change my future.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

2 Days to D-Day

Find a place inside where their is joy and the joy will burn out the pain. - Joseph Campbell

I have to apply this to my exercise.  I am so fearful of the pain I'm going to endure that I have to think that the eventual joy I will receive from being mobile will be so worth it.  I will actually be able to feel as if I have a life. 
I miss having a life.  I have a plan to relocate to 40 acres in New Mexico where I hope to be able to have gardens, atv's, crafts, chickens, and horses.
These things are my dream.  I have to be able to be active to live my dream. 
2 days to D-Day!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Things I miss!!! That I WILL do again!

Being obese, there are so many things that I can't do that I will be able to do again.  I'm sure this list will be an evolving one.
  1. Crossing my legs - I miss crossing my legs. Crossing my legs to me is such a lady like thing to do.
  2. Riding amusement rides - I used to be a Magic Mountain junkie. I think about the fact that my daughter has never been to any of my childhood favorite spots and that is basically because I can't enjoy it with her right now.

  3. Taking a shower effortlessly - When I shower it's like I walked a mile it is something that is so tasking for me. 
  4. Grocery Shopping - I do still grocery shop but not without an electric buggy. 
  5. Dancing - I used to be that chick that would be on the dance floor for hours (especially if the music was right)  Now I dance in my chair
  6. Strutting - When I used to walk, I walked into a room as if I was the one paying the bills, it was a level of confidence that I had.  Now I walk with so much pain that it strutting is the last thing on my mind or for that matter that I am even capable to do.
As I mentioned I am sure this list is going to be one that will continually grows.  Oh how I can't wait to my change of life begins.

3-days to D-day!

Thursday, January 5, 2012

I finally have Pinterest!!!

I'm so excited I'm loving my new pinterest account it only took 2 weeks but I'm so thankful and loving it!!! 

I would love for you to follow me Need2behealthy's Pinterest

My Weigh Dilemma ~ 440 or 550 Pound Scale

I want my scale MY WEIGH Hee Hee!!! 

A 550 pound scale I'm thinking is going to be necessary as I am exactly 5 pounds over the 440 Pound scale. 

So now here is the challenge.  Should I try to acquire the 440 scale and use that as an incentive which essentially means I can't weigh myself until I reach 440.  Which might be the case anyway because of financial reasons. 

Regardless I have to acquire one of these scales soon!!! 

Water Math - Holy Smokes!!!

According to my most recent posting from Dr. Robertson MD in regard to water intake I have to follow the following formula:
"On the average, a person should drink eight 8-ounce glasses every day. That's about 2 quarts. However, the overweight person needs one additional glass for every 25 pounds of excess weight."
I am 275 pounds overweight; therefore, I would need to take 275 pounds and divide it by 25 which equals 11 addition 8- ounce glasses for a Grand total of 152 ounces of water a day.

Holy smokes when am I supposed to eat?  I guess it is time to get a water trough!!! ;o)

How 8 Glasses a Day Keeps Fat Away

Incredible as it may seem, water is quite possibly the single most important catalyst in losing weight and keeping it off. Although most of us take it for granted, water may be the only true "magic potion" for permanent weight loss!

Water suppresses the appetite naturally and helps the body metabolize stored fat. Studies have shown that a decrease in water intake will cause fat deposits to increase, while an increase in water intake can actually reduce fat deposits. Here's why: The kidneys can't function properly without enough water. When the kidneys don't work to capacity, some of their load is dumped onto the liver. One of the liver's primary functions is to metabolize stored fat into usable energy for the body. If the liver has to do some of the kidney's work, it can't operate at full throttle. As a result, it metabolizes less fat, more fat remains stored in the body, and weight loss stops. Drinking enough water is the best treatment for fluid retention. When the body gets less water, it perceives this as a threat to survival and begins to hold on to every drop. Water is stored in extra cellular spaces (outside the cells). This shows up as swollen feet, legs and hands. Diuretics offer a temporary solution at best. They force out stored water along with some essential nutrients. Again, the body perceives a threat and will replace the lost water at the first opportunity. Thus, the condition quickly returns. The best way to overcome the problem of water retention is to give the body what it needs.PLENTY OF WATER. Only then will the stored water be released. If you have a constant problem with water retention, excess salt may be to blame. Your body will tolerate sodium only in a certain concentration. The more salt you eat, the more water your system retains to dilute it. But getting rid of un-needed salt is easy - just drink more water. As it's forced through the kidneys, it takes away excess sodium. The overweight person needs more water than the thin one! Larger people have larger metabolic loads. Since we know that water is the key to fat metabolism, it follows that the overweight person needs more water. Water helps maintain proper muscle tone by giving muscles their natural ability to contract and by preventing dehydration. It also helps to prevent the sagging skin that usually follows weight loss - shrinking cells are buoyed by water, which plumps the skin and leaves it clear, healthy, and resilient. Water helps rid the body of waste. During weight loss, the body has a lot more waste to get rid of - all the metabolized fat must be shed. Again, adequate water helps flush out the waste. Water can help relieve constipation. When the body gets too little water, it siphons what it needs from internal sources. The colon is one primary source. Result? Constipation. But, when a person gets enough water, normal bowel functions returns. So far, we've discovered some remarkable truths about water and weight loss:

The body will not function properly without enough water and can't metabolize stored fat efficiently.

Retained water shows up as excess weight.

To get rid of excess water you must drink more water.

Drinking water is essential to weight loss. How much water is enough??

On the average, a person should drink eight 8-ounce glasses every day. That's about 2 quarts. However, the overweight person needs one additional glass for every 25 pounds of excess weight. The amount you drink also should be increased if you exercise briskly or if the weather is hot and dry. Water should preferably be cold - it's absorbed into the system more quickly than warm water. And some evidence suggests that drinking cold water can actually help burn calories. When the body gets the water it needs to function optimally, its fluids are perfectly balanced. Once this happens you have reached the "breakthrough point". What does this mean?

Endocrine-gland function improves.

Fluid retention is alleviated as stored water is lost.

More fat is used as fuel because the liver is free to metabolize stored fat.

Natural thirst returns.

There is loss of hunger almost overnight.

If you stop drinking enough water, your body fluids will be thrown out of balance again, and you may experience fluid retention, unexplained weight gain and loss of thirst. To remedy the situation you'll have to go back and force another "breakthrough".

By Donald S. Robertson, M.D., M. Sc

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

My Journey & Low Carb Friends

I have been a member of Low Carb Friends for years.   To the point where now I am considered a Senior Member. 

I'm so glad to say that I will now be incorporating my blog into a journal located on this site and posting greating threads I find there on my blog.

Be looking forward to seeing some super posts!!!

My Journey on Low Carb Friends

6 Days Until D-Day

My D-Day is soon to come!!!  January 10th is the day that I will begin my new lifestyle and I am super excited about making the change.  One of the things that I think I am going to have to implement in my life is definitely seeking help with my addiction.  There is truly no excuse to attempt to overcome this food addiction which I feel has almost completely taken over my life.

One step at a time, I know I need to take one step at a time.  I just feel so overwhelmed sometime about this life that I am living.  I have 6 days until I change my life and all I can think about is what can I take in before that day happens.  My detox is definitely going to be a challenging one.  That is where I'm hoping that my blog will assist me. 

3 days into My New Habit

My Habit
As you saw in my previous article post from the Pick the Brain website it takes about 30 days to establish a habit.  I am now officially 3 days in of posting on my blog consecutively.  This has to be a well estabished morning habit like drinking a cup of coffee and having a cigarette first thing in the morning are to most. 

One Habit For 30 Days – Steve Pavlina, popularized the 30 Day Trial. You focus on one change for thirty days. After that time it has been sufficiently conditioned to become a habit. I’ve used this as the basis for most of my habit changes. It definitely works to sculpt the automatic programs that run in the background of your mind

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Laughter ~ Poor eggies!!! lol!!!!

Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects!

Monday, January 2, 2012

Exercise and a Great Husband ~ Pretty Good combination

My husband has begin his lifestyle change by walking every morning.  He prior to his walking figured out a way to track his steps and be able to listen to music.   He did all of the necessary pre-work to make himself enjoy and track his new exercise regimen. 

I wanted to be able to do the same thing before I started walking with him and was feeling a little behind the eight ball.  Started looking for an app or pedometer I could use, beginning all of my "pre-work", only to find out that my incredible husband surprised me by doing all of the "pre-work" for me.  I have an app on an old Samsung phone now all I have to do is upload some music and get me some ear plugs.

I'm on my way.  Thank you honey for all of your support and help!!!  I know with you success is in my midst!!!

It's all about changing your habits!!!

I truly believe that in order to change your life you have to develop new habits and get rid of the old.  One of the new habits I need to develop is my blog because it is going to truly be one of my saving grace.  My desire is that if there comes day that I don't blog that I feel something is missing.  I hope to get there also with my daily regimen.     So here is my first step in my journey on my self development.

Tips for Breaking Bad Habits and Developing Good Habits

Most of life is habitual. You do the same things you did yesterday, the day before and every day for the last month. It’s estimated that out of every 11,000 signals we receive from our senses, our brain only consciously processes 40.

Habits, good or bad, make you who you are. The key is controlling them. If you know how to change your habits, then even a small effort can create big changes.

I’ve been using these techniques for years to re-engineer many aspects of my life. That includes overhauling my diet, exercising regularly, cutting out television, and bulking my e-mail and work routines. Little changes that, when put on autopilot, can result in an improved quality of life.

Here are some tips to get you started:

One Habit For 30 Days – Steve Pavlina, popularized the 30 Day Trial. You focus on one change for thirty days. After that time it has been sufficiently conditioned to become a habit. I’ve used this as the basis for most of my habit changes. It definitely works to sculpt the automatic programs that run in the background of your mind.

Use a Trigger – A trigger is a short ritual you perform before a habit. If you wanted to wake up earlier this might mean jumping out of bed as soon as you hear the sound of your alarm. If you wanted to stop smoking this could be snapping your fingers every time you feel the urge for a cigarette. A trigger helps condition a new pattern more consistently.

Replace Lost Needs – If you opened up your computer and started removing hardware, what would happen. Chances are your computer wouldn’t work. Similarly, you can’t just pull out habits without replacing the needs they fulfill. Giving up television might mean you need to find a new way to relax, socialize or get information.

One Habit at a Time – A month may seem like a long time to focus on only one change, but I’ve found trying to change more than a few habits at a time to be reckless. With just one habit change you can focus on making it really stick. Multitasking between three or four often means none become habits.

Balance Feedback – The difference between long-term change and giving up on day 31 is the balance of feedback. If your change creates more pain in your life than joy, it is going to be hard to stick to. Don’t go to the gym if you hate it. Find diets, exercise, financial plans and work routines that are fun to follow and support you.

“But” to Kill Bad Thoughts – A prominent habit-changing therapist once told me a great way to nuke bad thinking. Anytime you feel yourself thinking negatively about yourself, use the word “but” and point out positive aspects. “I’m lousy at this job – but – if I keep at it I can probably improve.”

Write it Down – Don’t leave commitments in your brain. Write them on paper. This does two things. First, it creates clarity by defining in specific terms what your change means. Second, it keeps you committed since it is easy to dismiss a thought, but harder to dismiss a promise printed in front of you.

30, 90, 365 – I’d like to say most habits go through a series of checkpoints in terms of conditioning. The first is at thirty days. Here it doesn’t require willpower to continue your change, but problems might offset it. At ninety days any change should be neutral where running the habit is no more difficult than not running it. At one year it is generally harder not to run the habit than to continue with it. Be patient and run habits through the three checkpoints to make them stick.

Get Leverage – Give a buddy a hundred bucks with the condition to return it to you only when you’ve completed thirty days without fail. Make a public commitment to everyone you know that you’re going to stick with it. Offer yourself a reward if you make it a month. Anything to give yourself that extra push.

Keep it Simple – Your change should involve one or two rules, not a dozen. Exercising once per day for at least thirty minutes is easier to follow than exercising Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays with yoga the first day and mountain biking the third day, except when it is raining in which case you will do… Simple rules create habits, complex rules create headaches.

Consistency is Key – The point of a habit is that it doesn’t require thought. Variety may be the spice of life, but it doesn’t create habits. Make sure your habit is as consistent as possible and is repeated every day for thirty days. This will ensure a new habit is drilled in, instead of multiple habits loosely conditioned.

Experiment – You can’t know whether a different habit will work until you try it. Mix around with key habits until you find ones that suit you. Don’t try to follow habits because you should, but because you’ve tested them and they work in your life.

Post Your Change Here – Pick a change you want to work on and post it right here in the comments. You’ll get the benefits of writing it down and making a public commitment. The best time to start is right now.