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Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Day 20 and so much to report

Food Journey
I can't believe that I am now 20 days into this lifestyle.  And I am dealing with my demons at every turn.  It is so hard for me on a daily basis.  But the one thing that keeps me strong is that I WANT TO LIVE!   I want to live a better life.  I have been blessed with an incredible husband and we have plans for our future.  In order for me to live out my plans with him I need to make sure I am here.  Over the past two weeks I have done everything I could to make sure I was on target.   He has been gone for three weeks and the past week in a half I wanted to do anything and everything I could to at least feel different.  My demons are something else, take a look at my battles below:

Battle 1
I went into the city to purchase some items when it was all said and done, I had a little money left over and was dying for some sushi.  In Las Vegas they have all kinds of all you can eat sushi restaurants where they actually make the sushi fresh and made to order.  If you only knew how much I completely adore sushi it is what my family and I call happy food.  I literally battled with myself and prayed and prayed and came to terms with the fact ok I am 2 weeks in (I was 2 weeks at the time) If I go have sushi all of the focus, the blogging, the sacrifice all of it will go to waist.  And then it came to me, I can totally make my own sushi.  So I did, I went to an asian market bought seaweed and then went to this incredible grocery store called Glaziers that has chunks of poke tuna and chunks of plain tuna.  I then went home and had quite a few tuna hand rolls and it was amazing.  No rice

Battle 2

On Saturday I went to church for choir rehearsal and youth ministry (I'm a staff member and we had a big program that Sunday, So Saturday we had rehearsal)  Anyway I go to rehearsal and there are like 3 boxes of these incredible donuts.  Now unfortunately I didn't get the chance to eat before I left home so on top of everything else I was starving.  I battled and battled and battled with myself until finally I made the decision I don't care I'm going to have a freakin donut.  I go to pick up the box and open, as I begin to get ready to go to town.  I lift up the box and literally threw it down and walked away.  Ha!!  I beat you demon your kung fu does not beat mine that's how I felt. 

My struggles are day to day.  I can go on and on with continuous battles that I go through but this posting would be ridiculously long. 

So now I am almost 3 weeks in and I feel as if I have been sober for 3 weeks.  My husband came home yesterday after being gone for so long.  He comes into an unexpected environment (I'll get into that later in the below posting) and he takes his arms and wraps them around my waist and the first thing he says to me is "wow you have lost some inches".  *screams* *screams again*  Every single battle I have gone through is so well worth it. 

Environment Journey
It wa rough but I did it *doing happy dance*  I did it I did it I did it.  I got the house completed, done completely spotless.  I was even able to have a trail of rose petals with candles to my bedroom where I stood there waiting.  It was awesome!!!  I couldn't have asked for a better response for him.

Now my battle is learning how to maintain it.  I did learn that we have to do this as a family.  There is not ifs and or buts about it.  It must be done.  Not one, Not two, but all of us have to pitch in.  If we see something out of place we just need to correct it. 

I feel as if I have truly made some progress in my Food Journey and my environment Journey next step is learing how to take care of me.

Food goal (I'm going to change to Health goal)
  1. Drink at least 64 ounces of water a day
  2. Start doing some sort of physical activity whether it is walking or using the tapes that I have.
Enviorment Goal
  1. Before we go to bed do a once over of the house to make sure everything is clean
Taking Care of Me Goal
  1. Tomorrow morning dress if I am leaving the house for work.  (Constant battle since I work from home)

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Day 7 ......hmmmmmm

Food Journey
I'm not exactly sure what is going on with me but something definitely is.  I don't get why the sullen feelings today.  I probably am just missing my husband.  But I'm going strong and I am 7 days in and today will be the test of time as I am going out into the world.  Here is now where I have to face my demons.  I'm fine as long as I am locked in my house and do not go outside.  I only pray that I can beat this addiction and fight through the desire to eat things I have no business eating.  I was a very very very bad girl yesterday.  I didn't eat nearly as much as I should have.  As a matter of fact I didn't eat anything until about 2 or 3 pm.  I just wasn't feeling like going through the hassle of making me anything not to mention I wasn't hungry.

My intake was a small piece of polska kielbasa sausage, italian sausage patties topped with Italian cheese and some kind of sausage and chicken breast concoction with Italian cheese and lime and spices that my daughter made which was completely awesome. I also reached my water intake goal!!!  Whoo Hoo!!!  I drank my 32 ounces yesterday.

Environment Journey (Overcoming my laziness)
I have decided to hold off trying to get any cleaning done until my daughter is gone which will be today.  Then it is on there will be no excuses.  My environment goal yesterday was to just simply make up my bed and wash my sheets.  I achieved half of that goal.  My daughter was packing and wanted to do it in my room and with her going to be gone for the next 3 weeks I didn't have the heart to tell her no.  I think I should get a new comforter and sheet or at least a new comforter that will definitely motivate me.

Food Goal
To stay strong today since I will be out in the world just stay strong.
Drink 44 oz's of water
Purchase me a water container (One where it is easy for me to determine exactly how much water I've drank)
Purchase my ketosis sticks

Environment Goal
Look at some comforters
Look at maybe purchasing a screen for my bedroom
Buy another bin for storage.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Day 6 and here we go

Well for the first time last night I actually was craving for something sweet.  Now typically when that happens I just go to the store and purchase sugar free candy or low carb ice cream bars.  I am so focused on getting into ketosis that for me to do that is just simply not an option.  I know that my body is converting because I can feel it.  Now if I can only just make it day 14.   I did pretty good yesterday.  I had 3 slices of bacon with 1 fried egg with cheese over it for breakfast and then lunch I had sauteed pollock with chopped garlic with a tomato, garlic, bacon over it topped with italian cheese.  It was absolutely phenomenal.  My daughter enjoyed it as well.  For dinner my daughter oven cooked pork chops and I could only eat one.  The appetite is definitely diminishing.  With my husband being gone I have literally turned into this hermit.  I stay in my house and I don't leave which is exactly what I wanted so that I wouldn't be tempted with the foods that I am not supposed to be eating.  I feel as if I have no choice but to do this because I am simply just not strong enough to do it any other way.

I am however super disappointed with myself in terms of my process of getting done what I need to get done for my environment.  Only thing I did yesterday was get started with my laundry.  I wanted to begin my bedroom but I looked at it yesterday and got overwhelmed and just procastinated until now I am at another day.  I had 2 people ask me yesterday when you looked at it how come you just didn't get it done.  I wish I knew.  I hate being this way.  It truly truly depresses me.  But I came to the conclusion last night that again it doesn't do me any good to be sad or depressed that I just need to get off my ass and get it done.  So here is how I'm going to do this.  I'm going to set mini goals within the big goal of getting this room cleaned.  Maybe that will prevent me from getting overwhelmed. 

It looks as if my husband will be home next week so I really have to kick it up a notch because I want things done before he returns. 

Food Goal
Drink 32 ounces of water (supposed to be 64 but if I can get halfway through then maybe by Friday I can get to 64)  I'm not allowed to drink anything else until the 32 is done

Evironment goal
Get sheets and blankets washed and bed made.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Day 5 and so far so good

Well it is Day 5 on my eating lifestyle change and I am excited for what the day will bring.  I am trying so hard to be strict so that I get into ketosis quickly.  In terms of the other part of my lifestyle change I am super excited to report that I did reach my goal.  Bathroom is clean with the exception of the whole mopping.  As I move through this journey I only hope that the moving of my body will get easier and the tasks that are needed to be done to take care of me will get easier.

Yesterday I had 2 boiled chicken breasts with a concoction of scrambled sausage and ranch dressing (made it like a gravy) poured on top of it chopped with italian mix cheese.  It was super filling and actually pretty good.

I can definitely tell that my body is changing because I was literally not hungry for the rest of the day.  I totally forced myself to eat dinner which was a half of a baked chicken which I couldn't finish and ended up giving half of it away to my daughter.

I am really excited about the way my eating is changing my body I have more energy and I am ready to get moving.  Now if there was only more hours in the day!!!  ;o)

Goal until completed.  My goal date is Sunday
Room Cleaned to include clothes being washed folded and put away
To be in ketosis.

Monday, August 9, 2010


I came across an article about how make new habits stick which I am trying so desperately to do.  Not only with my eating but the way I take care of my home and me.  According to this article the first step in implementing a new habit is the following.

1. Commit to Thirty Days – Three to four weeks is all the time you need to make a habit automatic. If you can make it through the initial conditioning phase, it becomes much easier to sustain. A month is a good block of time to commit to a change since it easily fits in your calendar.


I have committed to work on my lifestyle change in terms of my eating habits and my lifestyle change in terms of the way I take care of me and my home.  Step 1 is completed.  I am on Day 4 for my eating lifestyle and I am on Day 1 of my environment.  I will be glad when Day 1 of taking care of me begins.   But one thing I am learning about myself is that I take to much on and then I get stressed and overwhelmed and choose not to do any of it all.  As my husband always says "baby steps".  I can't begin taking care of me without the tools and my environment being better, I also need to feel better which my eating lifestyles definitely does.  It will all happen!!!  Baby Steps.

Clean Bathroom

4 days down

I'm on my 4th day of induction and I am really hopeful.  I have to succeed at this lifestyle this time.  I am 40 years old and I'm tired of being obese.  I have been obese for most of my life and it is truly truly gettting old.  My ankles and my feet are always swollen and ache like no tomorrow.  However when I am doing this lifestyle that all goes away.  I don't know why but it is a true fact.  I must face the fact that carbs are simply not my friend.  I'm trying to also change my lifestyle in terms of the way I take care of myself.  I figured if I can make taking care of me a habit I might having a fighting chance.  With the husband and the daughter gone for the next 3 weeks I really have a great opportunity to implement "Operation
Take Care of Me"  It has to happen!  Everything in my life right now is a mess to include my house.  I still haven't had the chance to get completely organized from the move but that goes along with taking out the time to take care of me. 

Goal for the day:
Get bathroom cleaned

Monday, August 2, 2010

Me and my struggles

I need to lose weight!!  That is the front, top, sideways, and bottom line.  I am 417 pounds and am truly blessed to still be in this world.  I am in this world without high blood pressure, diabetes, and heart disease, which I truly feel is by the grace of God.  I just don't understand why it is so hard for me to do what I need to do to better myself.  It goes without saying that everytime I change my lifestyle to this way of eating that I feel better as a whole.  More energy, no leg pains, no swollen ankles and shins. My husband has been doing phenomenally and now he is off the diet which I truly believe is because of me.  When you are addicted to food it is hard to have the things that you love so much around you and not eat them.  I really pray that this is the last time I start this diet.  It has to change.  Something has to change.  I can't wait for my new start date.