I need to choose me

 I talked about in an earlier post about how I treat my body like waste receptacle with all of the garbage I put into it and then I wonder how and why I am obese to the level that I am.  It's crazy though, I feel as if I have one up on others, for example I have a friend who is not much of a vegetable eater and doesn't eat very healthy at all, where I love healthy things as a matter of fact the healthier the better.  Like not only does it typically taste amazing but from a mental standpoint it feels amazing.  So what's the problem you ask?

Consistent lack of self discipline and love of one's self.  I have got to have a love affair with myself.  There is a beautiful song that an artist by the name of Tamia sings and the title is Me.  She talks about how she chose herself in this abusive relationship she was in.  I think what it is for whatever reason I haven't chose me.  I am in an abusive relationship with myself.  I have learned to love me enough to do better with my eating habits and my lifestyle and that truly needs to change if I want to live.  No if and or buts. If I don't things are going to be way worse then they are right now.  I am taking 15 different pills everyday.

This is my life currently and needless to say it is pretty daunting.  My days right now are filled with side effects of medicines, pain, and doctors appointments and tests.

I remember when my days were filled with work, partying, drinking, dancin, and having a great time.  Boy how I miss those days.