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Monday, May 28, 2012

6:00 On a Holiday 2nd day in and truly struggling

You know I guess who knows me better than I know myself.  There is a reason that I forced myself into a situation where I didn't have a choice but to do the cleanse.  If I had money or means right now I would probably cheat.  Addiction is what it is but this is journey is truly giving me an opportunity to get in check with myself.  I want to live!  End of Story!

I want to have a great rest of my life.  I live to eat instead of eating to live.  My addiction has truly completely taking over my life and I hate it.  I'm so glad that I don't have the capability to be out in the world because if I did there would be no way I would still be on this journey.

This is way harder than Atkins ever was.  At least with Atkins I could eat food.  It's only been two days and I'm so want to give up.  But I can't.  I just simply can't.  I have to be strong not only for myself but my family.  I know at this point I'm totally rambling but it is the only thing that is keeping my mind off of the detox.  I feel as if I'm in mourning.  Mourning of a best friend - food.  Food and I have a really bad and unhealthy relationship.  I just hope I can beat it this time.


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