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Wednesday, April 20, 2011

1 Day before the beginning of my journey

Ha!  Well I have 1 day until I start this journey the minute I touchdown in Arizona will be the time that carbs will no longer be in my life.  The crazy thing about it is that when I think of all of the times that I have been on Atkins one thing holds true.  When I'm on Atkins I have more energy, the pains go away, and I feel super terrific.  I wish I understood why it is so hard for me to be consistent with it knowing that things hold true.  It is so bad right now that I refuse to tell my husband that this is my plan.  I just want to do it and quit talking about it. 

Yesterday I had hamburger, calzone, fries and I'm thinking to myself the whole time I'm eating this am I truly going to be able to change my life?  I live to eat and as a result I have imposed that on my daughter.  My husband and I went to Walmart last night and as usual I get in a electric cart and we buy a couple of items and I look for the check stand that has candy because that is definitely something that I want especially on my night before my last one.  He taps me on my shoulder and  says (as I'm grabbing the candy)  That right there is why you will never get yourself out of the chair.  All I said to him was you are probably right and paid for my candy.  I don't even want to begin telling him about my journey or my plans because it will turn into something about him or us.  I'm not looking to do that.  I asked him the other day if we were going back on Atkins and he told me he didn't know.  That was all I needed to hear.  I know what I need to do for me.  This is something that just simply has to happen.  With him or without him. 

My Journey is going to be a hard one but it is one I have to take.  I feel now that I am going back to the city I will have more support and availability to get it done. 

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